The other day, I was telling a friend about my inner critic’s tendency to tell me that I’m not “far enough along yet” in my business.
This conversation arose because a client I was supporting was triggered by something I had pointed out to her about why she’s not seeing growth in her business.
My observation and insight clearly held an emotional charge for her, and she contracted, then hot potato-ed her discomfort at me instead of feeling it fully + getting curious about the trigger, pointing the finger in blame, and saying “I just need a coach who’s much further along than me, and I don’t like your coaching style.”
OUCH. But also, not my stuff, sister.
And in reality, I 150% knew that was not at all true.
She wasn’t making a full-time living with her business, and wasn’t even clear on who her ideal client was or how her sales funnel worked. She didn’t seem happy (clearly) in her life, and wasn’t willing to do anything different or budge outside of her comfort zone even one bit.
I always say that the only time an insult from someone actually HURTS us is when there’s a part of us that believes it might be true.
>>> Cue the conversation about my inner critic.
I couldn’t seem to let her words go after our conversation, even though I knew what she had shared and the block she was experiencing was truly her lack of willingness to dive deeper and uncover the core issue behind her consistent struggle to grow her business, attract clients, and sell her program.
The only reason her words hurt me at all was because there’s a part of me -- my inner critic, the voice in my head that tries to keep me safe but can be a real big B when she speaks -- that tells me that, too.
My friend I shared this with asked me, “Well, how long have you been in business?” after I had just gone on to list ALL the reasons I was so proud of myself and what I’ve created since starting my business at the age of 22, leaving the security of my full-time job, moving from Pittsburgh to the beautiful coastal city of Charleston, hosting beautiful and packed-out events at the city’s best event venue, the amazing feedback I receive from clients daily about how our work is changing their entire lives for the better and that the results they’re creating aren’t limited just to their businesses growing.
And not to mention, I've recently achieved a 6-figure income milestone in my business that I've worked very hard to achieve by constantly stretching myself, growing, and devoting myself to the inner and outer work to make it possible.
For some reason, I had the idea that I was 5 years into my business.
But when I actually did the math, I wasn’t.
I was only 3 years in, at the beginning of my 4th year, but have already created most of the success (if not ALL) that I wanted to create 5 years from TODAY in my life and work, if I’m being totally honest with myself.
Where does YOUR inner critic like to rear her ugly head and tell you that it’s not “ENOUGH” yet? Or that YOU aren’t “ENOUGH” yet? Or that your business isn’t “ENOUGH” yet?
And if you’re truly honest with yourself, and you take a deep breath, grab your journal, and list out ALL of the amazing achievements you’ve created thus far, not just in your business or work, but in your LIFE … how do you feel about them?
I’m willing to bet that when you look at the FACTS of how far you’ve come already on your own journey, that you’ve actually achieve, accomplished, and created more of what you’ve always wanted than your mind likes to try to convince you that you have.
There’s always a special kind of friction and dissonance for us -- especially as women -- between where we believe we are, and where we believe we “should” be.
But we don’t need to let it control, consume, or convince us that it’s at all true.
I look forward to hearing from you - and, most importantly, CELEBRATING you - in the comments below this post, loves.
Also, PSA || Taking 100% responsibility for ourselves and our experience in life + business is a critical foundation for creating real connection, sisterhood, and success of any kind. Recognizing that we are at least 50% of every situation we’re in is crucial to being a powerful co-creator of your life and designing and cultivating the life experience of your dreams.
Love + Light,