Love, Loss, + Up-Leveling

If you’re like me, your inner critic often tells you that you should be further along by now.

In relationships, in business, in love, in life, in finances, in your living space… the list goes on.

Over the past few years, I’ve been growing, changing, shifting, feeling, loving, expanding, transforming, and re-discovering what it means to be ME every single day.

And there have been so many instances in doing so, where I’ve looked around and everything feels heavy and chaotic and like it doesn’t fit anymore.

It feels like there’s an urgent need to change EVERYTHING, all at once.

It feels like you’ve just realized that all the work you’ve been putting in at the gym made your muscles so strong and big that none of your clothes fit anymore and you need a whole new wardrobe. (This has never happened to me, but that’s how I imagine it! Haha!)

In that case, imagining that the result you wanted was a stronger body with bigger muscles, you wouldn’t keep all of your old clothes that were too small anymore, would you?

HECK NO!

Because you’d (excitedly) be like “this is my new normal and I intend to get even stronger over the next year because it felt really good to get here, even though it was hard at times… but it’s so worth the discomfort to be experiencing the amazingness right now!”

Well that’s kind of how I’ve felt over the past few years, despite what my inner mean girl has to say about it. And that sensation is accompanied by the concern, “Is this real life, and can I actually do this?”

When I step back and take a wider lens on 2015, I’ve definitely had to let go of A LOT to be standing where I am right now, on the precipice of what I intend to be the best year of my life.

And that “letting go” has been fucking painful, heart-wrenching, and stomach-flipping at times. 

Shedding the old to make space for the new is terrifying, painful, and the good feelings don’t swoop in until the healing has occurred.

So why put yourself in such discomfort when there’s not an immediate payoff?

Well, at those points in time, when I looked at my life, it didn’t feel like the one I knew I wanted.  So I’d get clear about what I DID want.

So many times, we have a tendency to think about (complain, dwell, marinate) on the things we DON’T want in our lives, and forget the second piece of the equation, which is about what we DO want to see happening in us, for us, and around us.

It’s uncomfortable to do so, and it takes a lot of time, energy, and spaciousness to actually make yourself sit down – just you, a pen, and a piece of paper – to get real with yourself about what you actually want, and where you’re out of alignment with that vision right now.

In the past few months alone, I’ve let go of two souls that have taught me how to heart-burstingly love BIG and HARD. 

One was my dog, Byron, who taught me how to “be,” play, and be responsible. The other was the man who was my heart-holder and partner for the past 3 years through all the deep stuff we learned, fought through, and grew through... together. He taught me so much, but the most meaningful lesson was how to truly FEEL. And I am forever changed, grateful, and loving of him for that.

It felt like a huge loss at first, and it gets easier every day, but it’s still not easy or out of mind for me. And in the past, I’ve generally struggled to truly “let go” in my relationships.

Creating a more constructive way of dealing and healing is new territory for me, as it is with any new level we reach in our lives.

Since then, I’ve done a lot of deep inner work and healing around my relationships with men, and even with masculine energy in my life, so that I can learn from the mistakes and get super clear about what I am looking for in the man that I’ll choose to be with next (and hopefully for the long haul).

There’s even something within me as I write this that makes me feel like I should say “but I haven’t been, you know, obsessing over it… if it happens, it happens…” so that I don’t sound “crazy.”

But you know what? That’s BS. There is nothing wrong with wanting to find the man of my dreams and have a beautiful, deep, intentional life and relationship together. Why do we get so geeked out about saying what's actually real? That’s my truth, I’ve been calling him in and creating space for him in many ways in my life, and that’s what I want.

Declaration! Bring it on, universe! I’m ready.

As I’ve been starting to date, I’ve noticed that the men I’m calling in are phenomenal. Seriously. A testament to the work I’ve done around my limiting beliefs regarding the idea that “there are no good men” or at least not my definition of “good.” I’ve only had a handful of positive male role models in my life, and zero examples of positive, loving, conscious relationships growing up, so this is something I’m very intentional about creating a pattern-shift around in my own life and lineage.

And this brings up yet another glass ceiling to shatter for myself – because now the limiting beliefs are around ME and my ability to actually have a beautiful relationship with an amazing man.

Do I really deserve him/to be treated as well as he’s treating me? He seems perfect – what is he hiding? How is he not married yet, given that he’s so amazing? Do I trust myself enough in a relationship to not screw it up? Will I be able to deliver an equal value in the relationship? Will he think what I do isn’t valid or that I don’t make enough money because I don’t make as much as him? Will he think I’m adventurous or worldly enough for him? Will he actually feel the same way I feel? Are my feelings too intense? Will I scare him off if I’m honest?

Anytime we reach a new level in any area of our lives, there are fears and limiting beliefs that pop up or resurface in a new form.

And when we are ambitious women who constantly want to be pushing our growth edges and expanding, it can be tough to love, feel constricted, lose, create space, dust yourself off, pick yourself up, put the new-and-improved YOU out there, be vulnerable, be real and authentic, dance with the fears and limiting beliefs, and risk losing before you even get to experience the excitement of love first.

But this is the cycle – in any area of our lives – that we have to get comfortable with and accept.

Otherwise, we say “no” to ourselves before anyone else can say “no” to us, which keeps us stuck and exactly in the place we are.

And we all know that stagnancy isn’t as fulfilling as it could be if we could muster up the desire to take action and make that vision REALITY.

We’ve got to be willing to be aware of the fears and limiting beliefs, give them space, work through them, release them, and create new empowering beliefs that serve us in bringing our visions to life.

I'd love to invite you to answer the following questions in the comments below:

1. What area(s) of your life are you up-leveling right now, or looking to up-level?

2. What are the limiting beliefs or fears coming up for you around this shift?

Share with us in the comments below so we can support you through it and create some new, empowering beliefs in service of your greater intention and vision for your life.

[For me, it’s all about romantic relationships, finances, and business.]

Just know that you deserve it. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

 

Love + Light,

Emily


Are you a coach, sister?


NOT a Coach, love? 

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YOUR INVESTMENT

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*FIRST PAYMENT DUE BY MONDAY DECEMBER 21ST AT 11:11 PM EST* 

YOUR NEXT STEP

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